Get Carter

Well my friends, another couple of months has passed with no literary offerings from me. I have no excuse. I'm a lazy cunt. I apologise. BUT I have been keeping a close eye on all things rugby and what a couple of months it's been. The new season is nearly upon us of course but our antipodean cousins have kept us entertained in the meantime. Seeing the ozzies demolished by the ABs was a particular highlight and one I hope to see more of in the future.

But the whispering has already begun, have the men in black peaked to early? With nearly a year until the world cup they could well have. Their biggest weakness in my mind is...dare I say it...I'll hold my hands up to deflect the spleen that will be aimed my way once I have said it...DAN CARTER. He's still a match winner I grant you. But the man has looked decidedly shaky on a couple of occasions over the last few games and a bit of French pressure when he's got the expectation of the entire NZ nation on his shoulders could well be his undoing. We'll wait and see.

Prediction Time

Time to get my predictions hat on ahead of this weekend’s international action.

England Vs Australia

I’ll be honest, I’m worried. My heart is saying “We can do it. We’re fielding a team of substitutes but it’ll be fine - they’ll step up. The boys will play the game of their lives and bring more passion to Twickenham than Berlusconi on twelve Viagra at the Playboy bloody mansion.” But my head is telling my heart “Fuck right off mate, we’ve got more chance of finding Abu Hamza reading the bible in a glove shop”.

I’m afraid, dear friends, that England will have their arses handed to them.

Australia will win by 15.

Wales Vs New Zealand

Let’s pray there is another post haka front up. Wales will be all out gunning for the ABs this year and I reckon there is a chance they could do it. But they won’t.

New Zealand will win by 3.

Don't cry for me....

I know it's late but I've been abroad promoting Eyes Right across Europe.

So - the anitpods have finally got their act together and invited the Argies to play in the tri-nations. What will it be called? The quad-nations? No, sounds like a farming equipment conference. The Quattro-nations? Fuck no, sounds like a shit pizza. The four-nations? Hmmm, I could go on but it doesn’t matter. The point is Argentina are now firmly where they belong. Slicking back their hair, taming polo ponies, quaffing inordinate amounts of malbec and gorging on prime steak at the head of the fucking IRB dinner table.

And those already sitting pretty at the top need to watch out. Lest we forget Argentina came third in the 2007 World Cup. THIRD!!! And that’s without a major annual competition in which to hone their craft. Now they’ve got the chance to take a massive step forward and not only compete in the big leagues (although they’re doing that already) but actually picking up some major, MAJOR scalps.

I for one will be more drawn than ever to the re-vamped tri-nations purely for the moment when Argentina scrape a win against the ABs in Dunedin. What a day that will be.