Monday 26 October 2009

God bless America


As much as it pains me to admit it, the Americans have given the world a number of pretty useful inventions: barcodes; dental floss; auto-pilot; breakfast cereal; anal beads (!?!). The list goes on and on, and we should be thankful. We Brits may have kicked off the industrial revolution but the seppos took it, gave it braces, bleached its teeth, nipped, tucked, squeezed and came up with the production line, rocket fuel and Starbucks.

But the yanks didn't just want to be master of the intellectual world, they wanted to control the sporting world as well. Now, given the good old USofA's fairly limited history they haven't had time to develop a sound four four two formation let alone a solid forward defensive stroke. So they decided the best thing to do was to barstardise some of our greatest sports in order to ensure consistent global dominance. Perhaps the best example is American Football - a sport developed with nothing but revenue in mind. But I'm not going to go into the whole rugby vs Amercian football debate, it's as dull and endless as an American football match itself. But there is one thing that American Football will always have over Rugby and that is the LFL.

What's the LFL? I hear you cry. It is the Lingerie Football League. That's right, the fucking LINGERIE Football League. And it's quite possibly the mother of all inventions to come out of the land of the star spangled banner. Not only are the participants extraordinarily easy on the eye but they are in fact hard as fucking nails.

Visit the website. Watch the footage. And if you're still not converted take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself one question. Why in the name of all that is sacred not?

Friday 23 October 2009

Eyes Right Cheerleader Award

I can't begin to describe the amount of demand there has been for more cheerleader posts since our last trip down stiffy lane. I can't describe it because there hasn't been any, but I'm not going to let that minor glitch stop me from kicking off the first Cheerleader Of The Month competition. Whether or not this happens every month depends on my levels of motivation but rest assured, I'm sure I'll be able to find the time. So here we go...

This months winner of the soon to be coveted Eyes Right B*llocks Tight Cheerleader of the Month is....Eina Schmidt of the Natal Sharks. Congratulations.



Eina is 22 and from Cape Town. She loves long walks by the ocean, strong but sensitive men and English accents. Her greatest fear is having to eventually give up wearing her knickers for a living and her biggest secret is that she actually cried when England lost in the world cup final in 2007.

Commenting on her award Eina said: "It's a real honour to be the first recipient of the Eye's Right cheerleader award and I didn't even have to felate the judging panel. All the girls at the Sharks love the blog and are so jealous, they're going to be doing everything they can to win this in the future."

God bless you Eina Schmidt.

Tuesday 13 October 2009

What we've all been waiting for

Hells bells – My trouser drill has just made a hole in the bottom of my desk. The trailer of “Living with the Pride” has just dropped into my inbox.

Having watched Living with Lions ohh, maybe 1000 times over the years, my standards have been set fairly fucking high but I get the feeling this could be a very special film. Forget they lost the series, this is another McGeechan tour in SA and I think the Lions 09 journey could make for much better viewing than its ’97 counterpart.

On the face of it Geech seemed to have managed to instil some of that “amateurs on tour” feeling into the 2009 party and if we get even a flavour of what the documentary team managed to capture from the ’97 tour we’ll be in for a trouser swelling treat.

I may be calling in sick on the 19th October.

Friday 9 October 2009

Carlsberg don't do hakas, but if they did....

I have to say I fucking loved it when Wales fronted up to the haka in 2008. I wish I'd been there, in the Millenium Stadium, drinking in the atmostphere at that very moment. The complaints by certain kiwis afterwards was complete bollocks. Disrespecting the culture and tradition blah blah fuckety blah.

I think it's important teams don't allow NZ to have it all their own way when it comes to the pre-match ritual, particularly when they're playing away. But I have to admit, this video put the Welsh reaction into perspective. I don't think we'll be seeing Ryan Jones with his top off and a wooden cleaver any time soon - but you never know.

Monday 5 October 2009

Bob Babbington needs you!!!


Right. That’s it. My life has changed. I officially have a new love. His name is Bob Babbington and he is the inventor of Sim Rugby, a sport he is tipping to take over the world. Not only is Bob a fucking genius but he also has a way with words that surpasses even Mother Rucker’s venerable vocabulary. Watch some of his videos to see for yourselves.

Bob has managed to recruit key members of the England squad to play and promote this innovation of the game and purely through his passion and charisma he has acquired another advocate – yours truly. If only those at the top of the RFU had even an ounce of Bob’s energy and reverence for the code of Union, the game in this country may be in a very different place. And anyone whose enthusiasm for a sport makes them want to eat it “make themselves sick and eat it again” should be in line for a bloody knighthood in my book.

Bob Babbington, I bally salute you and look forward to watching you and Sim Rugby flourish in the future.


Don't cry for me....


I know it's late but I've been abroad promoting Eyes Right across Europe.
So - the anitpods have finally got their act together and invited the Argies to play in the tri-nations. What will it be called? The quad-nations? No, sounds like a farming equipment conference. The Quattro-nations? Fuck no, sounds like a shit pizza. The four-nations? Hmmm, I could go on but it doesn’t matter. The point is Argentina are now firmly where they belong. Slicking back their hair, taming polo ponies, quaffing inordinate amounts of malbec and gorging on prime steak at the head of the fucking IRB dinner table.

And those already sitting pretty at the top need to watch out. Lest we forget Argentina came third in the 2007 World Cup. THIRD!!! And that’s without a major annual competition in which to hone their craft. Now they’ve got the chance to take a massive step forward and not only compete in the big leagues (although they’re doing that already) but actually picking up some major, MAJOR scalps.

I for one will be more drawn than ever to the re-vamped tri-nations purely for the moment when Argentina scrape a win against the ABs in Dunedin. What a day that will be.