Too Close For Comfort

Anyone who has experience of playing rugby at university, or at a club post-uni, will recognise many of characters and scenarios that make up this genius set of videos.

I pray they make some more. Enjoy.





Thanks to Rugby Dump for the links.

I Predict A Riot

It’s been a funny few days in London. On Monday night I had a grandstand view of the odious little fucks intent on bringing my neighbourhood to its knees – I’ve never longed for a sniper rifle so much in my entire life.

I would’ve loved to lock the cross-hairs onto the heads of the rabid scum, squeeze the trigger and liberate their moronic little brains all over the common. Fertilising the grass dogs piss on is all they are good for.

Alas, all I had was my camera phone and a note-pad, so I noted down number plates and shopped the cunts to the rozzers. Bastards.

But all this action did start me thinking. I was watching London’s riot police in action and thought to myself “Jesus – these guys would be awesome in a rugby team”.

Now, some of you may remember the rugby team I compiled of different food types in honour of Keith Floyd [salutes theatrically], so here is my team of uniformed and military forces throughout history.

I think you’ll agree, this little lot are not to be fucked with – London might have been kept damage free had these boys been patrolling the streets.

1. Loose Head: French Foreign Legion – These boys give up their identity and move to Africa in order to train to be some of the most fearsome fighters in the world. They have beards, axes and hammers. Put simply, they’re nails









2. Hooker: Special Air Service – I’m thinking along the lines of Schalk Brits here. Dropped into situations no one else really wants to go, causes damage, gets the fuck out










3. Tight Head: Riot Police – Love a bosh and aren’t afraid of a full frontal attack from angry hordes









4. Lock: Navy Seal – Big, brash, terrifying. Usually carry around huge equipment designed to kill you










5. Lock: Spartan Warrior – Not phased by being outnumbered 4,000 to one. Actively encourage death. Not afraid of getting their tackle out










6. Blind Side: Gurkha – Mental. That is all











7. Open Side: Para – These guys jump out of planes for fucks sake. As long as you can stop them scrapping with the marine then you’re guaranteed to have a tackling machine who won’t let anything through













8. Number Eight: Royal Marine – Unbelievable stamina, enormous bulk, commands respect and terrifies all comers










9. Scrum Half: Traffic Warden – Everywhere you don’t want them to be. Always get their job done, whether you like it or not













10. Fly Half: RAF Fighter Pilot – Can look in two directions at once and keep even the largest fighting units in check. Class









11. Wing: Samurai Warrior –Will cut you in half and score a try so quickly you won’t know what’s happened












12. Inside Centre: Special Boat Service – Solid, brutal and undetectable when necessary










13. Outside Centre: US Ranger – “Energetically will I meet the enemies of my country. I shall defeat them on the field of battle for I am better trained and will fight with all my might. Surrender is not a Ranger word” – Nuff said













14. Wing: Zulu Warrior – Quick over the ground, able to hurdle six foot walls of grain, love giving the Welsh the fight of their lives













15. Full-Back: Swiss Guard – These guys may look like the crappest clowns at the circus but twice in history have the Pope’s private guard been hacked down to the last man while defending the pontiff. That’s the sort of defensive commitment you want at the back

Twickenham on Pacific?

In what will hopefully be an absolute demolition of Welsh rugby tomorrow, England’s mid-field will line up with the best part of 200kg of solid south sea brawn.

The thought of two players born on the other side of world donning the red rose of England may make the rugby purists spit out their pints of mild in horror. But the prospect of seeing Flutey and Tuilagi in action for England TOGETHER is making the hair on the back of my neck stand on end and my not insubstantial balls tingle.

The vision, guile and creativity of Flutey, combined with the pace, power and sheer ferocity of Tuilagi has the potential to be something quite special indeed. And with Wilkinson pulling all the strings at 10 it could be a very sexy match.

That said, a full international as the players’ first pre-season warm-up game means that errors are likely. But as long as young Manu can avoid situations like this…



I’m sure he will have a major impact on the game.

He certainly seems ready to take centre stage and if this interview is to be believed (courtesy of the awesome fellows at Sportsvibe.co.uk) then he’ll hopefully have his temper under control. He’s clearly not the brightest spark, but hopefully those around him will keep a close eye on his temperament during the game.



Good luck on Saturday, Manu and good luck England. Keep an eye out for Charlie Sharples as well. I genuinely believe he could be England’s surprise package this world cup. You heard it here first.

Pipe Down Jonah

Now, Jonah Lomu is not a man that I criticise lightly, but I have to take issue with his ludicrous attitude towards England wearing a black away strip for the World Cup.

If you’ve not heard what Mr Lomu has to say you can see it below and on the BBC website here.



So. Waddaya think? My thoughts?

Grow up Jonah, you peenarse!

The All Blacks are a rugby team, plain and simple. And as much as you might like to think you’re this untouchable religious order, you’re not.

A team can wear whatever colour they choose as their away strip and, while I have to admire Nike’s audacious PR move, the RFU has chosen a strip that looks pretty fucking cool. (I also love Nike’s touch of putting Flutey in the promo shots)
















Of course, it’s not as if the All Blacks would do anything like “disrespecting the legacy of past players” by wearing a colour synonymous with another team, is it?

Oh wait, what’s this?

















Dick.