Here's to you Mr Floyd

Keith Floyd, 1943-2009. What a man.

Of course he’s got nothing to do with sport but he’s still a legend in Mother Rucker’s book. And what a way to go. Full of oysters, potted shrimp, partridge and Côtes du Rhone. Yes please.

It was the revelation that Floyd had gone out the way he’d have wanted - full of exquisite food and booze - that got me thinking. Many an argument has taken place in public houses across the land as to the make up of the best rugby team incorporating differing person/animal types i.e. your perfect animal front row would be a hippo at loose head, a crocodile (think of the tail) at hooker, and a silverback at tight head. So I started thinking about my perfect rugby team made out of food. Here goes:

1. Loose-head prop: The full English breakfast – inelegant, unhealthy and inevitably too much for you to handle. But when you’re getting your head kicked in by booze or flankers, they’re always there to sort you out.



2. Hooker: Chicken jalfrezi – they seem fairly innocuous but will rip your arse-hole out given half the chance.



3. Tight-head prop: Sirloin steak – simple, meaty, does just what you want it to but must be treated with respect or is liable to get tough.



4. Lock: Pigs trotters stuffed with sweet breads and morels – looks and sounds like something out of Mordor but does things that nothing else on earth can.



5. Lock: Chicken breast – seemingly dull and uninspiring but full of protein and likely to catch something if held aloft for an extended period of time.



6. Blind side flanker: Bread – you never notice it until it’s not there.



7. Open side flanker: Onions – they get everywhere, especially in your eyes.



8. Number eight: A full rack of BBQ ribs – looks too much, weighs too much and if you try to tackle it in one go is likely to make you sick.



9. Scrum half: A jar of marmite – you either love them or hate them.



10. Fly half: Braised Scottish halibut with charred leeks, coddled quail’s eggs, English watercress salad and creamed Oscietra caviar - technical brilliance with a hint of genius.



11. Wing: Eggs – quick, versatile and tasty. Just don’t hit them too hard.



12. Inside centre: Bacon cheese burger – no nonsense. Gets the job done. Never fails.



13. Outside centre: Fig rolls – speed is the key here. And nothing goes through you faster than a fig roll.



14. Wing: Cous-cous – quick, but who gives a fuck



15. Fullback: Chili con carne – safe as houses, always reliable. Often has a bit of kick.