Tour de force

Well, it has certainly been quite a Tour. Aside from Lance Armstrong stunning the critics with his podium finish, Wiggo and Cav have done the Brits proud. Although, I’m not sure how much Mr Cavendish appreciates being called a Brit, I know how tetchy the Manx can be. But, this tour has set 2010 up nicely. Particularly as Contador and Armstrong could no longer hold their tongues and unleashed hell on each other today.

Next year, we’ll have team Astana with the 2009 champino Alberto Contraception going head to head with team Radioshack (classic) led by seven time Tour winner Lance Armpit, who will no doubt have poached his long term Directeur Sportif, Johan Bruyneel from Astana, as well as his US Postal and Discovery Channel running mate and tour hard-man George Hincapie from Columbia.

But, we shouldn’t be fooled into focussing our attentions on these two teams alone– although there will be fireworks between them – the brothers Schleck will, again, be a handful in 2010. Andy Schleck demonstrated what a class act he is in the mountains this year and when he attacks, Christ, everyone knows about it, he will definitely win the Tour, it’s just a question of when. And, lest we forget the new 100% British team which should be gracing the Tour next year. It is truly amazing that a British team will contain one of the favourites for the general classification as well as the favourite for the Maillot Vert.

However, if anyone is going to challenge Contador for the yellow jersey next year they need to man-up in the mountains. Armstrong didn’t have his old bite, Schleck needs one more year to hone his strength and Wiggo, well, Wiggo now knows he can mix it with the best of them. If he can use this year as a bench mark, improve further and get a decent team around him, he could be a real contender.

Bring on Rotterdam, 2010.

Olympic skin tone

Yesterday, Lord Coe was aboard the Javelin Rocket – or whatever it’s called – blasting towards Stratford at 3,792 mph waxing lyrical to the assembled “dignitaries” on the games, the stadia, the budget and how everything is going swimmingly thank you very much.

Great news. I am a big supporter of the UK hosting the games, always have been. And personally, I think to hell with the cost – IT’S THE OLYMPIC GAMES. We get the opportunity to host the world’s greatest sporting event once in a generation - if we’re lucky - so an opportunity like this MUST be embraced. Two fingers to the naysayers – if I had my way all those opposed to the games would be forced to carry out the duty of filling the swimming pools in the Aquatic Centre using only a tap and a thimble, before being sent to Coventry for the entire month of August 2012 to reflect on what inhibited, miserly, tight arses they’ve been.

But, one thing that struck me yesterday as I leafed through the coverage of London 2012’s 3 year countdown and watched the various news reporters looking distinctly out of place in their bulbous hard hats. How the fuck does Tom Daley get so tanned?

Every time I see the little media tart paraded in front of the press his hue is increasingly dark. OK, OK, I know I shouldn’t be taking the proverbial, he’s just won the World Championships and he’s 7 years old, bully for him. But can someone, somewhere, please explain where this melanin phenomenon has appeared from? From what I can gather, diving is a predominantly indoor sport, particularly when training in the UK. Given the amount of training needed to become a World Champion in any sport, I’d wager that young Tom spends a lot of time indoors. Even if he was training outdoors, he lives in the UK and a tan of that position on the Dulux chart is just impossible to achieve in our temperate climes. His parents – because of course they’re on telly all the time as well – don’t seem to have any major tanning issues so he’s not got any real genetic inclination to bronze. Could it be a bottle job? That is the most likely explanation. But for someone whose career involves plunging into chemical filled water, is this the best option?

I have to admit I’m at a loss, I’ll leave it open to the floor. But, one thing is for sure, if it is the real deal and he carries on at this rate he’s going to be a leathery mess by the time the 2012 arrives, and no-one wants to see that in a pair of Speedos.

Deano should do the honourable thing

Back in April I was watching the Quins Vs Leinster game unfold in complete disbelief. Disbelief at the luck, or lack of it, suffered by Quins. To lose Nick Evans was a blow of the highest order. His replacement, Chris Malone, a solid performer but more of a Premiership journeyman than an out and out match winner could do the job, I thought, but it would be a big ask. Not that it mattered. In minutes he was off as well leaving Tom Williams, a winger, to salvage the result.

To their credit Quins remained in touching distance, until, five minutes from time when a drop goal was needed to win it, the bombshell hit. Williams walks off, blood all over his mouth, and Evans is brought back on. Then, the moment which completely threw the spanner in the shit. Williams winks.

You bell-end. Why wink? If he hadn’t made this simplest of errors Quins may have got away with it. As a result the club have been investigated and found guilty of cheating, slapped with a £215,000 fine and Williams has been banned for 12 months.

I have to agree with Damian Hopley, Williams’ punishment is disproportionate and unfair especially as Dean Richards, the man who would be in control of any underhand tactics, has got away scot free leaving the fledgling Tom Williams facing a career threatening break.

Williams cannot and should not be singled out. Only a complete dick head would believe he acted alone. When Evans was brought off, the substitution was registered as tactical. TACTICAL? His leg was hanging off. To describe this as tactical is, at best, insulting. Of course, what it meant was Evans could return to the pitch as a blood replacement which he did after Williams left the field with the fabricated cut to his mouth. This in itself also leads me to believe that Williams couldn’t have acted alone. With 5 minutes to go in a match as tight as that, the last thing you are thinking about is, how am I going to cheat to get out of this? You’re concentrating on the next move, the next phase, how to get the team into a winning position. Williams must have been ordered to do the necessary to get Evans back on.

Whoever it was at Quins who instigated this charade, the buck stops with Dean Richards. To be fair, Harlequins have held their hands up and said the acquittal of Richards and the physios on misconduct charges was inconsistent and maybe there is still time for Deano to do the honourable thing, he was an up front and honest (in the Jim Telfer sense) player, it’s time for him to be an honest coach. What ever happens, what doesn’t change is the fact that a young man’s career now sits in the balance because of the decisions of others. Tom Williams I feel for you.

Simon Shaw my Lord, Simon Shaw.......

I am yet to make up my mind on whether I like Stephen Jones, The Times' chief rugby correspondent. He quite often talks sense - his opinions of the ELVs and the various fuck-wits that forced these ridiculous notions of change onto the great game sit very comfortably with my own. But, he quite often throws in a clanger of Brian Moore sized proportions. Not that I can think of a specific one now (isn't it always the way) but they are significant enough to cast doubt in my mind as to whether I fully condone his views.

But, there is one subject upon which I can categorically agree with Jones, Simon Shaw. In Jones's article for the August edition of Rugby World he describes Shawsy in the same breath as Martin Johnson and John Eales. WHAT?? You may say. The man only has 54 caps (including 2 Lions caps). Pre-fucking-sicely says I. He is one of the greats in-spite of his caps record.

The man has 54 caps but could easily have had 100 if it had not been for narrow minded coaches not willing to take the risk on his size and bulk. Yes he suffered playing in the same era as Jonno, but whose to say that Shawsy and Jonno couldn't have forged a partnership similar, if not superior, to the likes of Botha and Matfield in more recent times.

I grant you Shaw has blossomed with age, he has worked out how to use his height, weight and power in almost perfect symphony and his performance in the second Lions test this Summer was testament to that. But, his career as a whole puts him up there in the echelons of the greats.

First capped for England in 1996 against Italy he has been on at least the periphery of the England set-up ever since, only injuries forcing his exclusion all together. He made it to the 2003 World Cup picking up a winners medal and an MBE and the 2007 World cup final. He has toured with 3 Lions parties and it's a travesty he only picked up his first Lions cap in what will surely be his last tour for the men in red. The fact he was omitted from the first test in 2009 is another coaching blunder resulting in a record not being as full as it should.

His domestic record is perhaps the most impressive. In May 2008 he became the first player ever to play in 200 Premiership matches and I'll wager very few others go on to do the same, he is also the only lock forward to ever score a drop goal in the premiership. At Wasps he has collected three Premiership and one Powergen Cup winner's medals, the Heineken Cup twice, the Tetley Bitter Cup twice, and the Parker Pen European Shield. A truly awesome haul of silverware. And, he is showing no signs of imminent retirement, the man is 36 but could seemingly go on for at least another couple of seasons which will take the length of his playing career to over 20 years. Unprecedented.

But, for me, the moment which showed the shear class of the man was after his man-of-the-match performance in the 28-25 epic 2nd test in Pretoria in 2009. This was, as Stephen Jones described it, his career game. Jim Telfer in 1997 described a Lions tour in South Africa as a players' Everest. Shaw not only summited his Everest, he threw in K2, and the north face of the Eiger for good measure. He was simply awesome. Mere mortals may have taken solace in their man-of-the-match award but for Shaw it did not register, the game was lost, the tour had gone and the tears welling up in his eyes almost brought the room of lads I was with to tears as well. Legend.

So, Stephen Jones. I wholeheartedly agree with your sentiment and, on this occasion, I encourage others to do the same.