Monday, 24 June 2013
What have you all been up to? Progressing your careers? Getting married? Having kids?
Nah, me neither. Quiet year really. Hence why I've not been on here supplying you all with fucking hilarious anecdotes and witty repartee.
That was until something magical happened. Something so glorious I couldn't contain myself. I had to log on and type.
That's right my friends, Kurtley Beale. Kurtley-Fucking-Beale.
Wait. Give me a second. Yeah it's still funny.
I don't normally take pride in laughing at people's misfortune. Why?
Because it's usually MY misfortune.
Not this time though.
No, this time others have to suffer the pain of a last minute balls-up. Others have to deal with the embarrassment of leading your school sports-day race only to find your pants have fallen down, tripped you up and left you sprawled on the ground with a grass-burn on your genitals.
There is a great Ian McGeechan quote from the 1997 Lions tour in South Africa.
"When an animal is wounded, it returns in frenzy. It doesn't think. It fights for its very existence."
Now, that may be true. But when the animal in question looks like a startled pug, I don't think we've got all that much to worry about.
Bring on the second test.
Oh, and Kurtley, clean your boots, son.
Friday, 2 March 2012
Thursday, 23 February 2012
When two moving objects, both possessing momentum by virtue of their mass and velocity, collide with one another, there is a total momentum that is equal to their combined mass and the vector sum of their velocity.
The total momentum is the sum of the various individual momentum products. In terms of a formula, this is expressed as MV = m1v1 + m2v2 + m3v3 +… and so on.
Basically, this means that if Manu Tuilagi and Jonathan Davies hit each other at full tilt on Saturday, there’ll be one giant fuck of an impact.
Both men are 6’1”, Davies weighs in at 103kgs (16st 3lbs), Tuilagi tips the scales at 110kgs (17st 5lbs), and according to my calculations – formulated extremely scientifically using a stop watch and clips from YouTube – both men travel at about 18.5 mph when they’ve got the afterburners on. Given they’re both playing at 13 and will have plenty of space to get their speed up I’d wager we’ll see at least one collision that, if inflicted upon us mere mortals, would dispatch us into a celestial realm quick-smart.
It’s set up to be an absolute ripsnorter. Wales are still favourites, but with the changes
Replacements: 16 Rob Webber, 17 Matt Stevens, 18 Courtney Lawes, 19 Phil Dowson, 20 Ben Youngs, 21 Toby Flood, 22 Mike Brown
Replacements: 16 Richard Hibbard, 17 Paul James, 18 Ryan Jones, 19 Justin Tipuric, 20 Lloyd Williams, 21 James Hook, 22 Scott Williams.