Go On Then, If I Must

I get a lot of emails asking why I don’t write more in-depth analysis of rugby matches, teams and players. It’s a fair question, and one with a very simple answer.

I DON’T GET FUCKING PAID.

As a result, you’ll find me wittering on about stuff I like to witter on about. I love the game of rugby but I can't be bothered to try and come up with any deep and meaningful analysis, especially considering the few times I have tried I’ve got it wrong. Look at my prediction about Sharples being our star man for the world cup.

To be fair, though, even with a lack of technical scrutiny, this little corner of the internet gets its fair share of traffic. Amazing considering most of the content is complete bollocks. So in the interest of keeping my loyal and discerning fan base happy it’s time for the latest round of the Eyes Right, Bollocks Tight Cheerleader of the Month. Yee-motherfucking-Ha.

Previous rounds can be seen here, here and here and I think you’ll agree they’ve all been closely fought contests.

I’ve received a number of nominations for this month’s round and you chaps (and some extremely saucy ladies) have done me very proud. So, without further ado let’s crack on with the nominees:









But this month's hands down winner - or should that be hands on winner - is Katie from the Natal Sharks. Woo Hoo.

Commenting on her victory, Katie said: "What? Me? No Way, I don't believe it! All the girls talk about this competition but I'd never entered before and never thought I'd win in a million years. Thank you so much Eyes Right, I love the blog and will make sure I send more pictures in the future"

Make sure you do, Katie. For the love of god make sure you do.

Have a good weekend one and all.

Bread and Circuses

There were two things that kept the Roman mob happy. Panem et circenses.

Bread and circuses.

The peasants of ancient Rome loved nothing more that a soft bap and a bloodbath to keep them entertained. And a parallel can be drawn to the readers of this blog. They may enjoy reading a bit about rugby, but what they really want is tits. Tits and arses. Simple pleasures.

With that in mind, and the fact I we've missed out a few months, here is the latest round of the Eyes Right, B*llock Tight Cheeleader of the Month.

This month's winner is....

Candace Leigh Bell of the Natal Sharks. Yay.



Candace is from Durban and enjoys music, films, the breeze in her hair, and the firm but tender support of a Playtex bra.

Responding to her victory Candace said: "I can't believe I've won, it's amazing. I've been entering the competition for nearly six months and heard nothing so I'd given up hope of winning. This is so amazing, it's just amazing."

While clearly amazed at her victory, Candace was quick to thank some of the other Natal Sharks girls.

"All the girls deserve this award, and I want to give a big shout out to Holly, Molly, Natasha, and Charné."

Girls - I salute you all.

A spoonful of sugar...

I’ve finally re-emerged after what has been one of the worst Autumns I can ever remember. Never before have I been so angry with an England performance that I’ve wanted to rip out my eye-balls and replace them with the testicles from a leprous baboon. But there were moments over the last 3 weeks when I was seriously tempted.

“Oh but we did so much better against New Zealand, we showed real spirit”

Fuck off. We lost. And we lost comfortably to a shit New Zealand team with Dan Carter kicking like my dead gran. But more on my England theories later.

In order to cheer everyone up I thought it would be a great time for round two of the Eyes Right, Bollocks Tight Cheerleader of the Month competition. Woo hoo!

Nominations have been pouring in from all corners of the globe but our expert panel of judges – Mother Palm and her 5 sisters – have whittled the list down to this month’s winner.

Congratulations go to [dramatic drum-roll please]……

Melandi of the Vodacom Cheetahs. Yay.

According to her website profile of this “flip-flopping dancing beauty loves doing things she usually wouldn’t do, because she loves surprising herself”. Ding Dong.

The athlete she admires the most is Lance Armstrong and her hidden talent is that she is flexible – see pic right. She enjoys pornography – oh no, wait, sorry – photography as a hobby and “feels inspired by music, emotion and being an individual”. Bleaughhhh!!!

Commenting on the win Melandi said: “Wow – what an honour. This is just the best. We’ve all been feeling pretty low since the Bokka lost AGAIN last week and this has cheered me up so much. Thanks Mother Rucker – feel free to visit the Cheetah girls anytime you’re in Free State. We’d love to see you.”

You know what, maybe I will.