When Two Objects Collide

When two moving objects, both possessing momentum by virtue of their mass and velocity, collide with one another, there is a total momentum that is equal to their combined mass and the vector sum of their velocity.

The total momentum is the sum of the various individual momentum products. In terms of a formula, this is expressed as MV = m1v1 + m2v2 + m3v3 +… and so on.

Basically, this means that if Manu Tuilagi and Jonathan Davies hit each other at full tilt on Saturday, there’ll be one giant fuck of an impact.

Both men are 6’1”, Davies weighs in at 103kgs (16st 3lbs), Tuilagi tips the scales at 110kgs (17st 5lbs), and according to my calculations – formulated extremely scientifically using a stop watch and clips from YouTube – both men travel at about 18.5 mph when they’ve got the afterburners on. Given they’re both playing at 13 and will have plenty of space to get their speed up I’d wager we’ll see at least one collision that, if inflicted upon us mere mortals, would dispatch us into a celestial realm quick-smart.

It’s set up to be an absolute ripsnorter. Wales are still favourites, but with the changes England have made the chances of an upset have risen, not massively, but they have risen.

Game on.

England: 15 Ben Foden, 14 Chris Ashton, 13 Manusamoa Tuilagi, 12 Brad Barritt, 11 David Strettle, 10 Owen Farrell, 9 Lee Dickson, 1 Alex Corbisiero, 2 Dylan Hartley, 3 Dan Cole, 4 Mouritz Botha, 5 Geoff Parling, 6 Tom Croft, 7 Chris Robshaw (capt), 8 Ben Morgan

Replacements: 16 Rob Webber, 17 Matt Stevens, 18 Courtney Lawes, 19 Phil Dowson, 20 Ben Youngs, 21 Toby Flood, 22 Mike Brown

Wales: 15 Leigh Halfpenny, 14 Alex Cuthbert, 13 Jonathan Davies, 12 Jamie Roberts, 11 George North, 10 Rhys Priestland, 9 Mike Phillips, 1 Gethin Jenkins, 2 Ken Owens, 3 Adam Jones, 4 Alun Wyn Jones, 5 Ian Evans, 6 Dan Lydiate, 7 Sam Warburton (capt), 8 Toby Faletau

Replacements: 16 Richard Hibbard, 17 Paul James, 18 Ryan Jones, 19 Justin Tipuric, 20 Lloyd Williams, 21 James Hook, 22 Scott Williams.

The Klitschkos – How I wish they were British

The Ukraine should be incredibly proud of their two finest sporting exports. Wladimir and Vitali Klitschko have once again shown they’re not only class acts in the ring, they’re also two of the most composed, intelligent and likeable athletes the sport has every produced.

After being slapped at Friday's weigh-in, you’d have forgiven Vitali for knocking Dereck Chisora’s head off there and then. But he didn't.

In the ring before the opening bell, a lesser man than Wladimir would have ended Chisora’s night early after he “appeared” to spit water in his face. But he didn't.

After the fight was awarded to Vitali and the Brit continued to goad him, I doubt anyone would have tried to stop the Ukrainian from sending the smegma stain crashing to the canvas. But he didn't.

It’s no wonder the Klitschkos have been likened to robots in the past. Their ability to completely separate emotion from what is being played out in front of them is remarkable and should be applauded.

They may not be the most awe-inspiring heavyweights to have ever graced the canvas, but both brothers have class in abundance. Something distinctly lacking from Britain’s “top” heavyweights.

I could write page after page on what I think of the press conference antics of Dereck Chisora and David Haye. But you know what? The cunts just aren’t worth the effort.

6 Nations Hero & Villain Award - Week 2

The 6 Nations are resting this week but there is plenty to ponder from last weekend's festivities.

England Italy was hardly a classic, but I was impressed that England didn't panic and chase the game after going behind. Youngs and Dowson need to be dropped though. Youngs doesn't even look interested. And is it just me or does he look like he's got fatter? Complacency, that's what that is. The chubby little funster needs a dose of reality. Drop him, get Dickson in and let's start playing with a bit of vibrancy. Similarly, Morgan needs to start ahead of Dowson, he offers so much more with ball in hand. I also think we need Lawes back in the picture - but I'm probably preaching to the choir here, aren't I? You all know what your talking about - well most of you anyway.

Wales served up another belter of a performance - Wales France really is going to be the game of the tournament - and Scotland gave their fans yet more reason to be depressed as the wheels came off early in the second half. Young Hogg looks like a real talent though and his ability should be utilised to the full if Scotland are to avoid the wooden spoon.

But who are my heroes and villains from last weekend I hear you cry.

Hero

Well, having picked up most of his side's points on Sunday, little Leigh Ha'penny gets the hero gong this week. He is Shane Williams' natural successor as Wales' pint-sized points machine and has the boot of a hero - much as it pains me to say it.

Villain

Whichever cunt decided it would be a good idea to let 70,000 fans travel to the outskirts of Paris to watch a frozen pitch get harder. The organisers should be rounded up, stripped naked and left in a room full of horny male baboons stuffed to the eyeballs with Viagra and tequila.